Date: 09/08/2024
Mood: Chipper
Doing Well!
There was a lot of stress, but fortunately it's over now and things can sort of get back to normal. For school I mean, I kind of kept having to play catch-up because I messed up with Algebra in the beginning. I don't know if I did super amazing because of that (mostly participation took the biggest hit) but I got through it. I had a brief break for a week between semesters where I got to rest a little and get used to my new medication. Which! I got Adderall! Extended release. I've been wanting to get on some kind of stimulant for a long time because I knew it would help like I just knew it would. And it is so much. My social anxiety when outside is diminished greatly, there's less racing thoughts, I still struggle with intrusive thoughts but it's much easier to kind of push them out and redirect my focus to something else. My executive dysfunction has also improved so much, switching tasks, starting tasks, and a little bit prioritizing what needs to be done is a lot smoother. It's helping so much even with PMDD, I've mostly been able to relax lol That sounds so innocuous but I've never been able to be chill. Even when I wasn't doing anything my thoughts would overwhelm me, I'd get overstimulated so fast, and then I'd be cranky and short with everyone in my life. It's not like it got rid of my flaws but they're much easier to manage now, I feel normal. Well, as normal as I can be lmfao
Medical updates, aside from the adderall start, is sort of in the process of scheduling waiting for insurance at the moment. I need to get my MAP card in the mail from renewal and then I can schedule referred stuff like my sleep study, podiatrist, and ENT shit. It's kind of an annoying process to get it but I'm really fortunate that they're so willing to help me out despite me being constantly frantic about it. Hopefully though! I'll be getting better sleep within the next few months and maybe my ankles fixed. Kind of bizzare I went a span of my life where my ankles were in any capacity okay like this apparently they're pretty fucked up internally. The ligaments and what not, I think it's become a problem because of not only my weight gain but just being older and the stress from one job in particular when I was younger. The tl;dr is that I sprained them when I was 12/13 and I never wore a boot, and back then there weren't a lot of protections in place for students. So they just made me run laps in PE with a sprained ankle so it never healed properly. We didn't get the boot because we couldn't afford it or Mom was just neglectful, hard to say in all honesty. I don't necessarily blame Mom for her neglect, it obviously had an impact on me but there was also so much shit going on at that age. But that's a story for another time. ENT is because my nose is weird and if I pull on my cheeks I seem to breathe better and I don't think that's normal. It's always kinda been that way but again, it got worse because presently I'm fat. Hoping that changes when I'm in more of a position to excercise, if I'm able to sleep better and my ankles no longer "pop" when I try to speed up it would be a lot easier to do.
Life wise not much else has been going on aside from that, I don't have a job still but I am taking an IT certification course this semester and getting a certificate for it. Then maybe I can get IT related jobs, which tend to pay a lot better. I don't know if I want to live on my own, I've been flip flopping on it a lot. Not necessarily with my parents but maybe up north with a friend? I just don't think I'd do well completely alone to be frank, I wouldn't be completely helpless that's not what I mean I can function somewhat okay but I think it'd just depress me. I don't know that's for future me to worry about. Boots is a year old now! He's a big boy and still growing in length I think? He's doing quite well and is really healthy, Squeakers I am a little worried about. He keeps getting this rash on his tummy and none of the doctors can seem to figure out what's causing it. I think it's the rugs in the house, personally. I'm not sure. Fiona is also doing well, and Socksy is doing okay too. She did lose a couple of her teeth, but she had dental (that's why the teeth are gone) and her other teeth are doing pretty well. Mom makes sure to brush her teeth now, she's a smart lil gal. Marco lives in Seattle still and he's lost a ton of weight, he walks everywhere is the main reason. He probably eats better since Mom usually has a monopoly on the kitchen here. I hope he's cleaning his house tho and not letting the dust build up, his room was so dusty when he left I had to wait for them to clean it because I couldn't breathe lmfao But maybe he's better about that now too? Or he took my advice and hires someone to clean occassionally, I don't know. And Zoe's b-day is this month! They'll be 22 I believe yes. But that's a big update because it's been a few months since I was concentrating on school and trying not to kill myself over the stress lol